What is a Rosechild?
I heard the words ‘rose’, ‘child’, and ‘healing’ in my spirit in late 2020. Some time before that I had asked God for help because I felt uncertain and uprooted and I didn’t know what to do.
For four years, I called my healing practice ‘positively tricia’ and when I felt I had outgrown that identity, I tried on ‘olayinka the oracle’ for a short while.
As ‘positively tricia’, my identity was based on my optimistic, agreeable, and encouraging nature that I would easily extend to others. I became a Reiki Practitioner with the intention of healing myself and helping others heal. It would take years for me to realize that I was not being my authentic self. Rather, I was operating out of toxic positivity and deep deception.
While I searched for a healing method that worked for me, I simultaneously sought to define my identity as someone who could guide others on their healing journey.
Understanding Identity
Identity is the distinguishing character or personality of an individual. Identity is the core of who we are. It is our sense of self and where we derive our worth. It’s what makes us feel significant.
In the world, it's considered normal to base our identity on the job(s) we do, the schools we graduate from, the organizations we belong to, our preferences, a diagnosis, or who we are to others.
The God who created us in His infinite love and wisdom crafts us perfectly according to the destiny and purpose he appoints for us. God made us who we are so that we can make known who He is through the life He has given to us. No matter the context, the identity of Christ informs our own.
The path of self-discovery is paved with noble intentions, and what is a universal journey to us all is also very deeply personal and divinely customized. It's for the courageous ones who will remain diligent and relentless in their pursuit, especially when it looks foolish to onlookers.
I believe that each one of us has a unique, handcrafted, purposeful identity that can only be found in the revelation of Jesus Christ as the son of God.
But the problem is that we live in a fallen world. One chock full of corrupted culture, perverted priorities, and tainted doctrine. And in this harsh environment, we begin to collect and adapt ourselves into who we think we should be in order to survive. When we craft our own identities, they are bound to crumble.
Brokenness Couldn’t Stop My Seeking
In 2017, I experienced a seismic shift that triggered my life into a spiritual awakening. A 12-year friendship began to fall apart and at the time; it felt as if it came out of nowhere. At the same time, the signs were always there and the end was bound to come sooner or later. It was like a platonic divorce. He got the apartment, the friends, and the dog. And I got to start over.
One of the last things he said to me was about my identity. He called me a “pessimist”. And that word was enough to call my entire persona into question. On the outside, I presented as an optimist. On the inside, I was depressed, riddled with anxiety, self-doubt, and hopelessness. I believed everyone's glass was half-full while mine was half empty. Unless someone asked me, I would lie that mine was half-full too.
Somewhere along the journey, I learned to be a great pretender.
At the end of that friendship, I hit a wall. And I finally realized just how tired I was. I was tired of pretending to be ok when I wasn’t. I was tired of forcing my smile to stretch past my lips.
So when a friend of a friend mentioned that she was a Reiki Practitioner, I reached out and booked a session.
After that experience, I found my way to a community of like-minded spiritual seekers, I instantly felt a sense of belonging. The people were beautiful, inside and out. They were down to earth, relatable, and seemed to know so much about esoteric spiritual things. Everyone I met, whether they were a novice or expert at their practice, was somehow able to balance their healing journey with their desire to heal the collective. I could speak a bit of the language. I had been dabbling in tarot cards, keeping track of astrological cycles and I knew what not to do during a Mercury Retrograde. Everyone’s practice was personal to their journey. They were yoga and meditation teachers, flower essence practitioners, divine feminine coaches, astrologers, mediums, and psychics. I wanted to position myself as a healer too. I was warmly welcomed in the community. I would not begin to feel accepted until I became a work exchange team member, an arrangement that allowed me to contribute to the running of the space in exchange for credits I could use to receive complimentary services, workshop admission, and tuition for training courses. Reiki seemed to be the gateway. So as soon as I was eligible, I signed up for the $500 two-day certification training and attended for free.
Sitting in a room of roughly 25 students during training, my spiritual-but-not-religious mindset was inundated with foreign terms and new-age spiritual concepts I'd never heard before. I listened, took notes, and tried my best to process what I was taking in.
I learned that Reiki was an alternative healing practice that could heal on the physical, emotional, and spiritual levels. I was taught that I could receive Reiki energy from a master-level practitioner who had the energy passed down to them through the lineage of Mikao Usui, the founder of Reiki, and that I could harness Reiki’s “universal life force energy” through the power of symbols. The two instructors or ‘Reiki godmothers' as they called themselves, were kind, warm, and open about the process. A lot of what I experienced didn’t make sense to me until after I encountered the healing power of Jesus for myself and learned about the supernatural from a biblical perspective.
What About Miracles?
According to Reiki instructors, universal healing power is accessible to everyone since it flows through all living things. It is what causes us to be alive, they say. Usui, the man who systemized the Reiki energy he found while meditating alone on a mountain, received this information from the universe.
Students are told that when life force energy is low in a person, it can cause stress and sickness. But when their energy is high, people can feel happy and healthy. That it can help with many different illnesses and problems and also work together with other medical treatments to accelerate healing. They say that Reiki always helps and never harms. That's why they encourage medical professionals, teachers, and caregivers to learn how to use Reiki.
As someone who was desperately trying to figure out how to cope with resurfaced trauma, this was music to my ears. I had a therapist and had been to doctors to receive care but hearing this empowered me to take part in my healing in a new way. But in the back of my mind, I experienced cognitive dissonance when the concept of miracles popped into my head.
I grew up in a Christian household. I loved Jesus because my mother and grandmother told me that He loved me. I heard that He healed people with his hands, walked on water, and flipped a table once when He was mad. Growing up, going to church never satisfied my curiosity about the supernatural. I went to shows, books, and culture for magical things. But I knew Jesus. I knew Jesus was the Son of God who died for the sins of the world. And I knew that His Father, God Almighty, the great I Am, was the Creator of heaven and earth. And the Creator of the universe Reiki claimed to derive itself from.
A question I failed to ask went unanswered. In hindsight, it reveals to me the root of my sin and the sin of many of us who seek to find our purpose in life.
I made an idol out of the fake persona I created for myself. In that moment, it felt more comfortable for me to remain silent than to speak up and push back against what was being taught. Subconsciously I believed that asking the question, “What about miracles?” would disrupt the training and call into question the themes of healing, miracles, and attaching a price tag for healing that claims to come from a source that everyone has access to at no cost.
‘Positively tricia’, the identity I created, wanted the approval of people more than she wanted the truth of Jesus. And in our culture, we do the same because an idol can be anything we love and prioritize over God. We love our jobs, money, accomplishments, significant others, and even our pain, more than we love God.
The threat of being ridiculed, rejected, or challenged and then having to defend my viewpoint in front of a room full of students and two "experts" was more than enough to keep me silent and keep the idea of Jesus in the back of my mind.
I've since renounced Reiki and looking back, I hold no bitterness or resentment toward those from whom I received false teaching and false impartation. It was necessary for me on my unique journey to go the wrong way in order to turn back and find the Only Way. This leg of my journey taught me that deceived people deceive people. Which is why I feel passionately about sharing the truth of Jesus Christ with others, who in the desperation of their seek, are willing to try anything to heal and return to wholeness.
Identity Is Received, Not Created
It wasn’t until after the world stopped during the global pandemic, that I was uprooted from Brooklyn and replanted in a new environment. I was suddenly surrounded by family, peace, and quiet in North Carolina. I had the opportunity to slow things down and tune into the voice of God without the noise.
When I committed to spending more time with God and got to know Jesus Christ for myself, he began to reveal my true identity. Through reading the word of God and releasing anything that contradicted it, I was able to get to know Jesus for myself beyond what I had heard about him. It was then that I began to experience healing from things from my past.
And I'm not talking surface-level healing from a session with a practitioner who I thought was more experienced and more powerful than me. The healing that Jesus provided addressed the root of my pain.
It was like I had been walking around the house, accumulating bumps and bruises because I didn't have my glasses on, only to realize they had been on top of my head the entire time.
The identity I searched for my whole life had been within me all along. It was only when I slowed down long enough, tuned into the voice of God, and began to do life God's way, that Jesus’ identity as the Son of God, Emmanuel, "God with us" revealed my own.
I am a child of God. I am a daughter of the King. I am a co-heir with Christ.
That is why I wrote this essay. The war on identity is more intense now than ever before in history. The enemy knows that his time is coming to an end once and for all and he wants to hinder as many people as possible from discovering freedom in Christ.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” John 10:10 ESV
The words Jesus spoke to his disciples over 2000 years ago still ring true for us today. I am tired of destiny delaying deception and false doctrines designed to derail me off the path God set out for me. I take responsibility for my spiritual health and the health of those connected to me because I want God’s will to be fulfilled in my life and on earth.
Jesus wants to give us life more abundantly. Not only after we pass from this world, but here now, in the land of the living. To do this, we must challenge false teachings, grow into spiritual maturity, and diligently seek Jesus with our whole hearts.
Because we are not what the world says we are. We are not our interests, preferences, or opinions. We are not the letters behind or in front of our name. We are not our anxiety or our trauma. We are who God says we are: loved, chosen, His.
A Rosechild is someone who…
because of neglect, domestic violence, molestation, sexual trauma, being abused, harassed, bullied or something else, had their innocence stolen at a young age. From day one, the enemy attacked your identity spiritually, emotionally and physically.
is graced by God to extend forgiveness, love and mercy to those who caused them harm.
has faith in the Creator, who turns everything meant for harm (even the most heinous of crimes against humanity) for our good.
acknowledges that we were born on a battlefield and choose to fight for our healing and for the liberation of others who are still suffering.
is redeemed.
prays for her enemies.
blesses those who curse her.
embraces meekness and humility.
willingly submits to God’s process of refinement.
knows that the times and seasons are orchestrated by God himself, so she blooms continually, both in and out of season.
boldly goes from being wounded to healing and having scars. Sometimes those scars hurt, though, over time, they hurt less and less and are relatively painless though they never fade completely.
And together…
We fight with prayer… a Rosechild lets God fight on their behalf.
We don’t build walls. We build fences, topped with barbed wire. Boundaries are the love language we teach ourselves to speak.
A Rosechild courageously walks the path of forgiveness, growing in faith and grace with each step.
We fight to forgive because unforgiveness is a bitter poison we don’t have to swallow.
We acknowledge that the war is not between flesh and blood but against powers and principalities and rulers of the darkness of this world.
Because a Rosechild has come face to face with the darkness of this world, she is brave enough not to look away and turn a blind eye to the darkness of this world in the present.
We fight with wisdom.
The enemy tried and failed to silence us so we fight through praise and worship.
Our voices are a beautiful bouquet of fragrance to our Father in heaven.
Our mission is to never let what happened to us happen to another.
We take seriously the call to be a trusted influence in the lives of the little ones around us.
The identity of a Rosechild is not in what happened to her back then.
Her identity is who God says she is right now.
If reading this just quickened your heart, makes sense to your soul or resonates in your spirit, you might be a Rosechild or know someone who is. If you don't have a relationship with Jesus or you did once but now want a start fresh with Him, I invite you to say this prayer out loud right now:
Heavenly Father, thank you for giving me life. I believe your son Jesus Christ is who he says he is. I'm sorry I tried to create my own identity based on things other than you. I receive forgiveness for my sins. I want a fresh start in the identity you have given me. Establish my steps God and lead me on the right path in the name of Jesus, amen.
